What Hurts the Most
by Staacey
Summary: What hurts more then surviving when those you care about die.
**What Hurts the Most**

 **Chapter 1**

 **Sakumo Hatake**

As soon as they had arrived back from the mission his team had been called in to see the Hokage. The Sandaime sat behind his desk with a pleased look on his face.

Kakashi knelt down in front of the Hokage. He felt slight apprehension in the back of his mind that had been lingering for days. As if something terrible had happened. He could not pinpoint where it came from and his mission had gone smoothly without any mishaps. They had escorted the merchant and his good all the way to the land of Wind and did not even come across a single bandit.

Even the weather had been nice right up to an hour before they had arrived back at the village. As they were getting near the village the sky had rapidly turned darker before the rain had started. It was like nature itself was angry as the wind had cut through the Genin's wet clothes chilling him to the bone.

Kakashi had never felt such relief as he walked through the village gates and one step closer to his warm home.

"I called your team in because you had a mission before you could receive the results of the Chunin Exams." The Hokage explained with a smile.

Kakashi glanced up at the Hokage excitement running through him. He had been the winner at the Chunin Exams, none of the older Genin had stood a chance once he entered the ring. Though the news about his father's failed mission had dampened the thrill of his victory the following day.

"Kakashi," The Hokage said breaking the white haired boy out of his musings. "I grant you the rank of Chunin."

The Hokage himself handed Kakashi his green Chunin vest.

"Thank you Hokage-Sama" Kakashi said bowing his head.

"You are very welcome Kakashi," Sandaime told him smiling. "Why don't you run home and dry off before you catch a cold?"

Hoping his father would be home Kakashi nodded his agreement at the suggestion. He could not wait to tell his father about his promotion.

As the newly minted Chunin walked out the doors the village headquarters he could feel eyes on him and looked around for the source only to meet with a pair of angry black eyes.

"Trash," the man said spitting at Kakashi's feet.

Surprised at the action of a fellow Leaf Shinobi Kakashi took an involuntary step back.

Kakashi glanced around seeing more eyes on him, all of them angry. Knowing that it was not the right time to fight and that he should not fight with his fellow Shinobi to begin with Kakashi relaxed the tense muscles in his face putting on an indifferent expression before he lazily walked out into the storm ignoring the glares burning into his back.

He knew his father had failed his last mission in order to save his teammates. His father had always stressed that they were Leaf Shinobi and should take of their brethren first. Though Kakashi had learned at the Academy that you were to place the mission first. It was really confusing to him and he had tried not to think too hard about it since his father's disgrace. Though Kakashi was sure his father could fix what was wrong.

In his mind Sakumo Hatake was the perfect Shinobi and father that had never let him down.

As he neared his home he saw that the storm shutter had not been closed and he felt mild disappointment that his father would not be home to great him. One of the house rules was that when it rained whoever was home first had to shut the storm shutters. It was obvious that Sakumo was not home.

Kakashi quickly placed his gear by the front door before closing all of the storm shutters. By the time he was finished his entire body was shivering from the cold.

As he opened the front door he slipped his shoes off and placed them in shoe holder. He picked up the faint scent of copper as he walked down the hall. The feeling of apprehension he had felt for the last few days intensified with every step.

When he stepped into the main room the scent of decay hit him and he felt himself gag. He looked around the room his min incapable of comprehending what he was seeing. He stumbled to the center of the room his foot slipping in something sticky.

Kakashi found himself lying face down staring into the glassy eyes of his father. He reached over touching the familiar face and quickly recoiled when he felt the waxy coldness.

He pushed himself away from his father's body scrambling to get away. He left a trail of the congealed blood he tried to get away.

He sat huddled in the corner in the room in shock to afraid to move as he stared at the decaying corpse that had been his father.

The next day his Jonin Sensei found Kakashi huddled in the corner. He had stopped by to check on his student when he had not shown up at the agreed time and his newly minted Chunin had never been late. The sight that had met him when he walked into the room would hunt him the rest of his life. The small white haired boy shivering in the corner of the room with blood caked on him as he stared at the corpse of his father. The small boy was pale and lifeless and at first the Jonin Sensei thought he was dead as well.

It did not take long for word to get out about what had happened. Soon Sakumo's former Genin team showed up demanding to take care of their Sensei's remains. It was his former student Kushina Uzumaki he took charge of the small boy. Kakashi had only been able to answer yes or no to the questions and he was still wearing his wet clothing covered in his father's blood when Kushina had brought him home.

Kushina kept Kakashi with the entire two weeks before Sakumo's funeral. She did not want Kakashi to hear what people were saying about the elder Hatake. When the Hokage ordered that Sakumo be given full honors as a Jonin Shinobi of the village and be honored as a fallen Shinobi there had been many protest. Even the teammates that he had saved did not speak for him. It was Uchiha Fugaka's support that had helped settle the issue. His wife Uchiha Mikoto had been one of Sakumo's students and being seven months pregnant he gave his wife whatever she wanted.

On the day of the funeral the sky was over cast and the entire village had a feeling of melancholy as the handful mourners walked to the Memorial Stone.

Kakashi was wedged firmly in-between Kushina and Mikoto. They had placed the small boy sandwiched between them just in case any of the people who had protested the funeral showed up they could protect Kakashi the best that they could. There third teammate Inuzuka Tsume would not be able to make it, she was busy taking care of an emergency.

Kakashi stared listlessly at the Memorial Stone as the Hokage listed off Hatake Sakumo's many accomplishments. He could see his father's newly carved name on the stone and all he could think about was the smell of his father's decaying body and the cold waxy feel of his cheek. He was told by Kushina that it had been suicide. His father had killed himself from the guilt that he had failed the village.

Kakashi felt hot anger burn at the pit of his stomach. It was not fair. His father was one of the best Shinobi Konohana had ever produced and he was loyal to both his village and fellow Shinobi, why did he have to die to appease them.

For a second Kakashi hated Konohana, hated the villagers who tossed his father to the side when he put his teammates first, hated the Shinobi for turning on one of their own, hated the Hokage for not stepping in and hated himself for going on a mission instead of staying home with his father. He knew he had been hurting but thought it would be ok.

He felt a warm hand on his shoulder and looked up at the pair of blue eyes staring down at him.

"It will get better," Kushina promised him.

Kakashi felt something eyes sting with his unshed tears right before he found himself wrapped in Kushina's arms.

"Shinobi must never show their tears," He mumbled into her shoulder.

He felt another person hug him from behind.

"Today no one can see you," Mikoto told him. Her oversized belly pressed firmly to his back she hugged him tight.

Kakashi felt hot tears stream down his face as he sobbed into Kushina's shoulder and felt Mikoto rub his back and murmur reassurances to them.

By the time his crying had subsided to an occasional hiccup everyone had silently dissipated leaving the three alone in their grief.

The white haired Chunin was startled when he heard footsteps approaching and turned to look behind Mikoto's shoulder to see the grinning face of Inuzuka Tsume. In her arms she held something small and wiggling.

"The bitch died and he needs someone to care for him." She explained thrusting a new born pup into Kakashi's arms. "I don't have time myself because I have my own pup that needs fulltime care."

Tsume pointed to the sleeping baby strapped to her back.

Kakashi looked at the puppy not quite sure what to do.

Tsume took a small bag and handed it to the Chunin.

"I put all the supplies that you will need in here with an instruction manual. When you run out of supplies come to the Inuzuka compound and ask for me and I will give you some more." She told him gruffly before rubbing his head.

Mikoto and Kushina were both staring mouths slightly open.

"I am not—"Mikoto tried to protest before Tsume cut her off.

"Why?" Tsume barked. "The pup needs someone to take care of him and the boy needs something to care for."

Mikoto mouth shut and she nodded her head in consent.

Kushina peered at the puppy in Kakashi arms with the first real smile she had in days.

"So watcha gonna name him?" Kushina asked enthusiastically.

Kakashi stared at the puppy. It was alone just like him and had no one to take care of him. He gently brushed his hand across one little paw. It was soft and squishy.

"Pakkun," he told the three women with a small smile as the sun finally appeared through the clouds.

 _This came to me I am not too sure how it turned out. I was originally going to end it with Kakashi killing his father's teammates but felt it was WAY too dark for my liking (To be honest I would have had to raise the rating to M or R). I erased it rewrote the ending and this ending sort of just worked out._

 _Anyone following my other stories I am still writing Warmth and Team Bonding. I have everything laid out I just need to find time to write it. I am a bad Nursing Student today and decided to write instead of school work/study._

Thanks everyone for reading! I hope you enjoyed.


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